* Family Conversations in Mental Health

Source: https://tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.aJQG_pQxoEawMmidLfDrIwAAAA&pid=Api&P=0&h=220

Whenever we disagreed on something, my wife would tell me, “Dear, we are not communicating!” I would think she was pushing it to me and I would push back. I would interpret her to mean that I was the person who wasn’t communicating. “Communication is a two-way thing, I cannot be the only one not communicating!” I would retort. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught that listening could be much “more important than speaking.” He highlighted five ways to improve listening:

a) “Give Them Time”

b) “Pay Attention”

c) “Clarify”

d) “Reflect”

e) “Find Common Ground.” 

(https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2018/06/five-things-good-listeners-do?lang=eng).

Internalizing and applying these principles and teaching them will help us develop the habit of listening more to one another and handling family stress and misunderstanding differently. Effective family communication and conversation bring peace and love and forge mental health and well-being.

Source: https://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/church-leadership/first-presidency-and-quorum-of-the-twelve-apostles/official-portrait-jeffrey-holland-2018-2038515-gallery.jpg 

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My choice of the College-Wide Capability (CWC) project topic on communication and mental health at Ensign College was informed by this experience. To look for insights that might corroborate or disprove my hypothesis, I interacted with the Ile-Ife Nigeria Stake Young Single Adults and a random selection of other members of the Church organizations, including the Relief Society and Elders Quorum. They shared various perspectives on possible causes and amelioration of family communication breakdown, with an almost general agreement on the natural opposition inherent in all things. But where is the agency of man? Where is his natural willpower to act? Is there a link between communication breakdown and family breakdown? 

A whitepaper produced by the Center for Health Communication (CHC) (2020) at the University of Texas, Austin, stated that: “communication has the power to change minds, policies, circumstances, and lives—and that the most effective messages are properly translated and tailored to meet audiences where they’re at.” The key phrase here is “properly translated and tailored to meet audiences where they’re at.” In other words, a message, oral or written, must be well and properly articulated for meaning and understanding, which failure to achieve could breed misunderstanding and conflict. A broken communication link therefore breeds nothing but psychological and emotional imbalance. The broken link can be in the form of not giving enough time or ear to understand the message due to haste, which was evident in the experience with my wife.

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A mental health nurse at Obafemi Awolowo University Teaching Hospitals Complex, Ile-Ife, Nigeria, with whom I carried out this project, shared experiences of how she and her colleagues often intervened to help families of mentally challenged patients achieve reconciliation and mental health through psychotherapy, a form of empathetic communication. The argument by Oyfrid et al (2021) that the family is “a conversational partnership” is valid here. However, this conversation and partnership must be mutually inclusive. When it’s not or there’s a deviation, there is a breakdown in social interaction with the attendant toll on family wellbeing. This breakdown and associated ills are what nurses are trained to handle. But nurses are not the only people who are supposed to nurse. We are to be nurses to one another the way Adam and Eve nursed and nurtured each other, and Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ nurture and care for us, and the Savior even died for us.

* Discussing Family Conversation in Mental health with a cross-section of Ile-Ife Nigeria Stake Young Single Adults

Sometimes, avoidable conflicts are stoked because of failure to clarify what's said and what is meant. This gives way to a misrepresentation. A message might fail to deliver due to a mistaken interpretation and absorption when not clarified well. According to Bischof and Eppler (2011):

To improve the efficiency of knowledge communication, organizations need to pay particular attention to the clarity of conveyed knowledge in order not to create confusion, misunderstandings, or misapplication of knowledge (Bischof & Eppler, 2011). 

When we take time to express ourselves clearly and unambiguously, we become partakers and publishers of harmony and well-being in any setting. In my interactions with my stake organizations and members, some members cited instances when minor conversations with children resulted in broken homes with attendant psychological and emotional trauma for the family and children. 

A good reflection is key. Aside from helping to voice out our understanding for possible clarifications, it will help us to know if there’s clarity and understanding. The reflection will remove egotism and pride, and instill humility and love which are essential attributes in building an enduring and lasting relationship and a home with beauty all around.

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Is there a perfect home? Can there be an ideal home? Is conflict avoidable in the home? The answer is how you communicate feelings, failings, and faultlines. An ideal home can be maintained when there's a willingness to disagree without being disagreeable. According to Elder Holland (2018), “Being agreeable can help defuse anxiety and defensiveness.” 

    President Russel M. Nelson

    Source: https://latterdaysaintmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/NelsonCover.png

Achieving sound mental health and a harmonious home is through holistic communication involving patience, attention, clarity, deep reflection, and coming to a middle ground of understanding. According to President Russell M. Nelson (2018), if we “learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another,” we “will be in a better position to understand … needs and hear promptings about how [we] can care for those around [us] as the Savior would.” 

* This is an Ensign College assignment. Wahab Abayomi Omiwole is a Blogger, Copywriter, and Digital Marketer, dedicated to crafting content that converts. You can also access his portfolio here: https://abayomiomiwole.blogspot.com/

References:

Voorhees H. L., & Mackert M. (2021), Mental health communication: What we know and what we can do better. Center for Health Communication, University of Texas, Austin. https://moody.utexas.edu/sites/default/files/Whitepaper-Mental%20Health-Hogg%20Foundation.pdf

Bischof N. & Eppler M. J. (2011), Caring for Clarity in Knowledge Communication, Journal of Universal Computer Science, 17(10) (2011), 1455-1473.

Moen O. L., Aass L. K. Schroder A., Skundberg-Kletthagen (2021), Young adults suffering from mental illness: Evaluation of the family-centered support conversation intervention from the perspective of mental healthcare professionals. Journal of Clinical Nursing. https://doi.org/10.1111/jocn.15795

Holland J. R. (2018), Ministering: Five Things Good Listeners Do. Ensign, June 2018. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2018/06/five-things-good-listeners-do?lang=eng#note2

Nelson R. M. (2018) Five Things Good Listeners Do. Ensign, June 2018. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2018/06/five-things-good-listeners-do?lang=eng#note2